This girl is the most amazing thing in the world. This is the girl who taught me that acting like a kid sometimes is alright. This is the girl who doesn't play games with people and tells it like it is. Most importantly, this is the girl who taught me how to love someone else so deeply that it hurts whenever she's away. My days years ago were spent sleeping all day, with no direction, no one to really talk to, and only occasionally leaving the house to spend time with my close friends. These days, I owe it all to this girl that my life has purpose and direction, and that I'm a much happier person for it. It's this girl that has made it so easy for me, a person incredibly frightened of change and the unknown, to think about the future. A future with her in which we are both growing older, but never apart. I just hope that I can focus enough to help make this future a reality.

Love is...

I come to realize a few things within the past year...

"Love", as I have come to know it, means that you're going to tear up at the mere thought of the person closest to you.
You're going to be ripped apart inside knowing that person isn't as happy as they were a few minutes ago.
You're going to spend every waking moment of your time with, or thinking about, that person.
But luckily, you're going to want to.

Love also means that you'll have someone there to talk to and share good and bad times with.
You'll be able to be the person that no one has ever seen...with someone else.
You'll be thinking about writing blogs like this in a feeble attempt to cheer someone up, if only slightly...

My life and the Rock Band Network

Recently I've had one thing stand out in my mind whenever I think about music: Rock Band Network.

Basically, what it does is it allows artists from all levels of success to put their own music up for download on the Rock Band platform. What this means is that I could conceivably one day soon have my very own music up on Rock Band for people all over the country to enjoy.

There are a few catches, such as having to actually purchase the Reaper program (to chart songs) and having to purchase an XNA membership ($100 for 12 months).

Now, I'm going to look into trying to get Reaper another way, but I will still have to get the XNA account in order to access 'Audition' mode in Rock Band 2 and actually submit my music for playtesting.

I know there is only like 1 person who reads this, but if that one person could possibly help me out with this: I need everyone I can get to donate to my Paypal account any amount that they feel comfortable with (I won't turn down a $1 donation) and help me get my music on Rock Band. If this happened, it really would be a dream come true.

If anyone asks, just tell them to check out www.myspace.com/bigbadskullets and click that little yellow 'Donate' button a little ways down the page.

That is all.

Lauren has weird pets

So I'm over at Lauren's house and I see her cat and he's all like "warrhhhh" and then her dogs are in their cage and they're goin "wewewewewe" and when I let them out, they skated under the garage door at light speed and then I went upstairs and Lauren hadn't taken a shower and then we laid there and then I went to get the dogs from outside and they were barking like "boraobroabror" and then they ran inside and they are now on the bed with us and we are still lying here and we have to meet Jeff in about 20 minutes to give him stuff and Lauren hasn't taken her shower yet and then I don't even know.

¯\(°_o)/¯ <--- That's me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Little Miss Sunshine and it's almost Christmas time!

This is going to be the best Christmas ever.

I've convinced myself that this year will yield the Christmas to end all Christmases because it will be the first Christmas that I will be able to spend with someone I call a girlfriend. I can't think of anything, or anyone, I'd rather have by my side during the holidays. I don't guess I've ever had a "bad" Christmas, but none of them will compare with this year.

Mostly, I'm excited about what I've gotten for her. So far there is a white turtle neck-type sweater from Charlotte Russe, I shall be getting a hand bag from Journey's that she was eying the last time we were there, and one super excellent mystery object that she hasn't been able to guess quite yet. If anyone that knows what that gift is just happens to spill the beans, I will probably be hunting you down.

This girl...I don't know what to say about her. I just hope I'm with her at all times, all day, every day, until the end of days.

Hard time apart

Lauren and I have been away from each other for two days now...  We watched a little "Clean House" while on the phone together last night, and since I have stayed over at Bubba's house watching the semi-finals of "The Ultimate Fighter" I don't thing I'm going to get to talk to her tonight...

Lauren, whenever you read this at school tomorrow, you better be ready for a surprise!

Storm

As some of you know, I work at TCBY in Lenoir.  Every so often a customer comes in by the name of Mrs. Hinson and she is usually not very fun for most people to wait on since she will come in about 3 minutes before we close and stay FOREVER.

Now, last night at about 8:56, right before closing at 9pm, Billy and I were granted with Mrs. Hinson's presence.  She targeted me out because she doesn't know Billy and we started our nearly-hour-long conversation.  Eventually we began talking about Why I wasn't going to school and stuff.  I had told her before that I didn't like school and that I was taking a break until I figured out what I would like to do for a living, and then I would start my path from there...  If that path involves formal schooling, so be it.  Anyway, my point is that I actually had a breakthrough and I know now what I want to do...or, more precisely, I know the type of job I want to look for.

I know I'll never randomly get lucky and fall into a job playing video games, or poking holes and cutting into people all day...  It finally hit me that I want a job where I use my hands and my brain to think about something and solve practical problems.  I want to have one of those jobs like repairing instruments like my dad, or being an electrician, or working on something that is actually useful to people.  I want a job where people will call on me because they have a problem and they know I'm the best person to solve it.  I want to be useful to somebody.

I'm not giving up playing and writing music, or playing video games, and certainly not giving up on my time with my friends and family.  I'm going to make time for those things regardless.  My plan now is to find another job (such as Wal-Mart maybe? *fingers crossed*) and earn some steady income until I've narrowed down what kind of trade I'm most interested in.  I'm going to find a trade school that specializes in it and then I'm on the fast track to a new career.

Now, I may only be 20 years old, but I have some very good advice for those who aren't yet out of high school based on my own experiences as well as what people around me have experienced:  College and formal schooling is not for everyone.  If you go in with a straight-forward plan and really want to do well in school, you will.  If you go in like I did, not knowing what you want to do and not really caring, you will find it much more difficult to do well.

The reason is this:  When you go into school and you're sitting in that English class, or that Algebra class, and you don't know what you want to do for a living, that thought will slowly go from "I don't know what I want to do" to "I don't know what I'm doing here."  That thought will eventually keep changing for the worse until you're wondering when the hell it will be practical that you'll need to know how to write an MLA research paper or solve a complex mathematical equation.  The answer is that it won't ever be practical for 99% of you.  Unless you want to be a teacher or professor, then that knowledge will benefit you very little.

Lots of people I know can't decide on a major as well...  I have been living by what many, many people much older and wiser than myself have told me.  "Arts degrees aren't worth the paper they're printed on."  And they are right.  The only jobs that two-year Arts degrees allow you to get are the same jobs you can get right out of high school.  I just ask that you remember and think about this before the time comes so you can have some real-world experience be given to you.

I wasn't sure where this blog would end up, but I'm running out of steam now, so I'll leave you with one last thought.  This was not just a place where I could vent all of my frustrations with my life and career.  I'm partially writing this so that people have an idea that my plan isn't just to float through life with no purpose, and it's not to just get by on as little as I can muster.  I realize that it looks like I'm not a great role-model and that I've messed up on a few things in my short 20 years on this planet.  I just hope that I can spread what little knowledge I can offer amongst some of my younger friends and help them out in some small way by just showing them that life and education isn't a one-way path.  For some people it's the best path, but for some people it's not.  It can leave you bitter and hate-filled towards the education system like myself, or it can lead to prosperity and happiness.  I just hope for your sake that you can tell the difference before you get there.

If you actually managed to read this and still think that I'm some lazy teenager who doesn't care what happens in his life, I suggest that you read it again.  If you've come away from this with a new idea of where you want you're own life to go, then I've done my job.